Element1: Quality of the argument
Thethesis statement indicates that the author of the essay responded tothe question as a whole. This is accomplished by simply stating thatthe French revolution puts more significant enlightenment idealscompared to Haiti revolution. The author spends the rest of the paperin defending the argument made in the thesis statement. The authorstates that the French revolution was more enlightening because itwas the first revolution in the world to facilitate a declarationthat all men are born free and should have equal rights. This impliesthat the revolutionary concept of the freedom of populations of mixedrace in Haiti was based on the basic principles of declaration ofhuman rights that was coined during the French revolution (Egalitefor All). The author manages to respond to the question by showingthat the basic principles of the French revolution enlightened peoplewho led the Haiti revolution.
Mostimportantly, the author makes a distinction of the most enlighteningrevolution that showing that the French revolution had more influenceon other countries than the Haiti revolution. This is based on thebasic definition of the concept of enlightenment, which refers to anew dawn of knowledge and reasoning (The 5). Based onthis definition, it is right for the author of the essay to statethat the French revolution was more put more significant principlesof enlightenment because it gave the people ofHaitian insight of what human rights meant. The French revolution alsogave the people of Haiti the ability question the way things were intheir land. Therefore, the author satisfies all parts of the questionby showing that a revolution can only be recognized as enlighteningif it influences others. The Haiti revolution impacted changes withinHaiti only, but the French revolution influenced the globe`s(including Haiti) understanding of the concept of human rights.
Element2: Course materials that the author should have included in the essay
Thereare two major course materials that the author omitted, but theywould have enhanced the quality of the argument. First, the article“The end of the use of African slave labor in plantations inAmerica” informs that the declaration of human rights following theFrench revolution was the major factor that resulted in theabolishment of the slave trade in France, American, and othercountries. The source makes the argument that the French revolutionwas more enlightening than the Haiti revolution more convincing.Secondly, the resource “The Atlantic world of the 18thcentury: Following the slave trade” would have helped the authorreinforce the argument that the principles used by the revolutionistsin Haiti originated from the French revolution since it ignited thedebate on whether slavery was evil.
Element3: Grading the sample paper
Thebest score for the sample paper is 75 %. The author managed to answerthe question that required the determination of the most enlighteningrevolution. In addition, the flow of ideas makes it easy for thereader to understand the argument that the author is making.Moreover, the author managed to utilize the course materials inmaking the arguments, which was part of the instructions. However,the paper has several grammatical mistakes. For example, the secondsentence of the first paragraph combines the past and the pastparticiple tenses, which makes it quite confusing. The mechanics,logical development, and the quality of presentation aresatisfactory. However, the grammar errors are minimal and theirimpact on the overall quality of the paper was limited. In addition,the author focused on the counter arguments in several instances thatseem to weaken the overall argument of the paper. For example, theauthor criticizes the declaration made in the French revolution bystating “It is certainly not a perfect document in terms ofequality for every human being”, which weakens the overallarguments of the paper.
“Egalitefor All: Toussaint Louverture and the Haitian Revolution,”Documentary, D2L
“Theend of the use of African slave labor in plantations in America”,Power Point Presentation.
“The”,Power Point Presentation.
“TheAtlantic world of the 18thcentury: Following the slave trade”,Power Point Presentation.